Escape the real world.

i miss crazy sunsets like this.



i think I truly am a west coast girl.
I love the east, but the west holds my heart.

I miss Arizona for some weird reason.

family here I come!

I couldn't be more excited/anxious!!!
its been way toooooo long.

see you all in a week!

I was having a wonderful day until I saw this.
seriously, it breaks my heart.
( so sad )

he makes me smile.

So I think my sisters and I gave my mom the most amazing mothers day present ever.

Its been over a year since we all have seen her.
So the three of us flew in to nebraska and suprised her.
I thought she was gunna have a heart attack when she saw us.
it was the first time in my life that I actually cried because I was happy.
it feels good to have the family together again.
I am one happy girl.
my family means everything to me.
and I've realized my mom deserves everything in life.
she is my motivation in life.
she has been through too much in her life and she is still the perfect mother.

I have also seen grandma, aunt and cousins that I haven't seen in 6 years.
its almost too much for me to handle.
we all have so much catching up too do.

I miss my eddy though.
he is in boston visiting his best friend, jon.
he is too cute.


I come home wednesday night.
so lets all go to the lilac festival on thursday.

Alot of people have been asking...
so here's my arm so far.
It is still healing in some spots so it looks kinda shitty.
I have one more session and then I am done with this arm.
I'm excited.
I saved the worst for last hahaha.
oh well it can't be MUCH worse than what I have been through.

My new years was amazing!

we started off at cory's house and then headed downtown to kenny's house. and that where the celebration began. It was probably one of the best new years ever! I had a blast.



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i so just won the lottery!

i can't even put into words what I feel right now. one of my really good friends Jill passed away earlier today. it was probably one of the worst things I have ever been through.

friday night jill did meth for the first time ever and then saturday she was throwing up all day and saturday night she started turning pruple so they took her to the ER and then she was taken to a hospital in phoenix because they coudln't treat her at desert Sam. I had no idea she had been sent to the hospital until this morning when eddie called and told me. so I went and picked up andy, tim, maranda, raeann and jennifer and we headed to the hospital. the update when we got there was that she was on a resperator and her lungs were filled with her vomit. I didn't go see her because I have a hard time withthe whole hospital thing. So i took sierra home to get jill some sock since her feet were freezing. Once we go back we were going to jills room to drop off the socks and we saw her grandma kneeling on the ground crying. I knew then it wasn't a good sign so I went back into the waiting room with everybody and about a minute later they came in and told us jill was gone. That was seriously the worst tiem of my life. we all started to cry so hard. I tried to leave the room but as soon as I stood up I fell to the ground again. i don't understand why such a beautiful person like Jillian had to be the one to go. She never harmed anybody and she was sorry for even doing the fucking drug in the first place. I was filled with so many different emotions it was almost impossible to handle. I ended up outside somehow and I just sat there crying and shaking so hard almost to the point where I couldn't even stand. people think drugs are nothign big, but look what happened. it was her first fucking time and she is gone. you never know what's going to happen. I know damn well we didn't think this woudl ever happen. I feel horrible because I coudl have stopped jill from doing the damn drug in the first place. friday night sierra and I were gunna go pick jill up because we had a bad feeling. but we brushed it off and went on with the night. that makes me feel like shit. I think this was a HUGE wake up call to alot of my friends that have been headed down the wrong path. I know for sure this makes me never ever want to touch a drug. all the times I have wondered what it would be like to be under the influnce of a certain drug, I no longer even want to think about. I dont ever want to know what its like.

I never thought I would have to say good bye to jill this soon. I wasn't ready at all. her and I had just made up from a little "fight" we had. the last thing she said to me was " I'm glad we are ok, its better when we all get along, and I love you becca!" those words will forever run through my head. right now I feel as if a part of me is missing and it's hard for me to handle. Jill was one of the most unquie people I ever met. She was alwasy angel and I guess now she just has those wings to prove it. I never thought that, that day I went to gilbert to pass out fliers would be the last time I ever saw you breathing. It breaks my heart over and over again just thinking I will never be able to joke with you again. I know you are in a better place, but I wasn't ready to let go.

forever in our hearts
we love you Jillian Cleary
Rest in peace
and I will see you again

remember that barbie necklace that lights up that you gave me? well I cherish it now more than I ever have. I swear I will never lose it again. I promise. I love you jill.

Finally I got rid of my old journal. This journal will be friends only. just cause the world doesn't need to know my thoughts.

comment me and I might add you back.